My secret hideout

2012-02-12T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hello!

It's been a long while since i've blogged! There are much more personal places for me to share my life, thus, neglecting this space.

So here's what's happening.
This week is week 6, relatively hectic week for me with
1) Vday performances
2) Studying for mid terms next week!
3) Shi Hui's bday
4) usual stuff like class and driving.

But thank God i had a good (mental) rest in week 5, was watching bu bu jing xing.
Super sadddd... cried like mad and watching till 3-4 am that kind. So next day go voix practices with swollen eyes =.=

Valentine's day upcoming up, wishing all the sweet couples stay sweeet.
For singles, enjoy your freedom :)

2011-12-14T22:35:00.002+08:00

Hello Blog.

Life's controversial. I am ironic.

When there's school, it's stressed.

When there's holidays, it's boring.

When it's boring, I take up activities.

Then I become busy and feel empty.

But if there's nth to do, I feel empty as well.

You could say I deserve this.

2011-12-11T20:05:00.002+08:00

My christmas wishes!

1) A m&n container that can put chocolates. then when you press a button it will come out! how sweet and fun!

2) needa get a new ear piece!

3) hangout and chill, eat lots of cookies, cakes! YUM!

Probably most of the stuff i needa get them myself. Oh well!

2011-11-27T23:17:00.002+08:00

Mama's birthday!

HAPPY HAPPY. Families get together to eat, full house to gather all the cousins.

We did funny poses, laugh at each other.

It's really heart warming that we could have such a tight bond. it took years to build, but worth it, worth maintaining as well. Glad that Ronnie could integrate into our family well! Actually, was hoping for the amelia and amanda to start bringing their bfs over, so we could help, look look/ get to know them better and pray for them.

Overall it's a fun and joyous event.

2011-11-24T14:26:00.002+08:00

大家好！

I am currently sitting at cityhall starbucks waiting for my next paper. Decided to take sometime to blog since I don't have much to revise on for my next paper. Really Thank God that i can clear 2 papers today. MC was the horror, i was kinda worried that i took some time to fall asleep.

This morning was dramatic. Jinci and Jinmei woke up even earlier than my 7am alarm and were preparing for their USS trip today. They are so excited. Jinmei so happy and putting her contact lenses. Jinci putting make up. wow. Then when they are done, it's brother and I left to wash up and go to school for exams. oh well, they had their fair share of exams stress.

Had been listening English songs, especially the Sing-off Season 3. Pentatonxi is amazing, what differentiates them is that every song has a climax and something different. But as what the judges say, their challenge is how much more innovation can they come up with.

Anyway, here's a nice Mandarin song that I'm listening to. Click on the link to listen!

Hebe田馥甄 - 我對不起我

爱给了我什么没沉沦就超脱
爱不能伤害我还是我没爱过
我没做错什么却把一切错过
你是爱不起我我也对不起我

2011-11-23T17:04:00.002+08:00

Hey diary,

today is the start of my exams. Just finished my FA paper.

It was kinda difficult, but i don't feel worried, or upset. Just peaceful and happy that it's all over.

2 more papers tomorrow and then 1 more left on monday.

This marks the end of semester 1 of year 2 for me.

Really fast, especially when you start hearing the guys of same batch ORDing.

When they enter university, I will be in year 3!

On the bright side, that will be 1 more sem to go!

Plans for this dec!

1) working at an event job for 3 days

2) driving

3) church camp

4) VJC and voix caroling

5) church christmas events

6) HONG KONG!

This Dec, as usual, will be packed and meaningful! :)

2011-11-18T01:22:00.002+08:00

写华语是一个不容易让别人猜透的方式。

感觉快出事了。可能传达错误的消息，但我不想查清楚，或改正。好想逃跑。

认错就这么难吗？

人生或者就是充满了这种事物，人才能学习倚靠主。

为了不让自己想太多，我决定不上 facebook，不看／不常看 email。

今晚还把 skype 跟电话关了。

不上网了。着也未免是件坏事，可以好好专心的考试。

今晚好孤单哦。

但这一个星期一个人过，因该习惯了。

2011-11-15T14:19:00.003+08:00

Studying really requires perseverance.

I remember how easy it was to tell that to my sister, that she isn't studying enough, that she's not driven. But i forgot that perseverance in studying still applies to me. I thought all that was over, it was in the past, that in university, you don't have to be that driven, that determined, I thought reading through the textbook once is sufficient. BUT NO, whatever you do in life still requires perseverance and patient (during the tough perseverance period) to suceed.

We can hardly blamed youngsters that are living their lives with meaningless. They are just burnt out after being put through endless cycles of perseverance. Like them, I wonder what payoffs I can get from these struggles.

Shall end off with a story (edited version, can't remember the actual content)

There are two good friends are sitting at the school benches. One of them is actively studying, while the other is staring into blank space, perhaps enjoying the scenery. (yes yes, it means slacking)

Mugger : "Why aren't you studying hard! our exams are next week!"

Slacker : "For what?"

Mugger: "So we can get a good grade la!" , saying it as a matter-of-factly.

Slacker : "For what?"

Mugger: "to get a good GPA. LIKE DUH"

Slacker : "For what?"

Mugger: "To graduate and get a good job la"

Slacker : "For what?"

Mugger: "So can earn alot of money!" he voice filled with excitement!

Slacker : "For what?"

Mugger: "So can retire early!", starting to get irritated by Slacker's replies.

Slacker : "For what?"

Mugger: "So can live a relax life!"

Slacker : "Ain't I doing that now?"

2011-11-13T21:52:00.003+08:00

Hey Blog,

There's quite alot to update you with.

Firstly, you have been nice and faithful in keeping my previous posts.

It's really entertaining in looking at the posts since year 2009, that's like J1 (3 years ago).

A lot has changed since then. Relationships created and broken, friends that were by my side left, things that i have once wrote were forgotten.

Let's talk more about the recent events.

1) It's currently week 14, for those who don't know it means 1 more week of study break and then EXAMS and then HOLIDAYS! woohoo! Time really flies, i remember how dreadful it was during week 4 when i so wanted to cry and drop my class and now it's all over (except for the final exam).

2) Talked to David after so long. I was telling him how time flies, I met him in sec 3 which was 5 years ago. Then he said: " Time flies but for the people not using it and you seem to be using it pretty well!" It's true in a way, but it makes me wonder, why are we trying to accomplish so much with time? Can't we have crazy moments, time that we just did nothing? This links back to the movie i just watched, You're The Apple of my Eye. Those experiences of making noise in class, puppy love, not bother studying, not having a care in the world, at the age of 16. I don't seem to have them. Yes, my secondary school days are fun, but it's different. It was revolving about my studies most of the time.

Probably this is similar to what we learnt in marketing class- cognitive dissonance/ the grass is always greener on the other side. Even though i had fun then, i just kept thinking, why can't i have another kind of experience. You can't have the best of both world.

For those interested in the movie, which i highly recommend, here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWzlwGVQ6_Q&feature=share

3) Being in an environment that wants results produced at the shortest possible time and ignoring the process, I tend to be rash and rush things. However, life's not like cup noodles, you can't have everything instant.

This is a lesson i need to learn, about driving, studies, relationships, plans, everything.

I probably don't expect people to find this blog, but if you do, if comment on the tagboard k. Just wanna keep track of how many people know my secrets.

2011-10-03T10:12:00.001+08:00

HELLO EVERYONE! I've a new chat box!

2011-03-22T23:03:00.001+08:00

New shit just happens everyday.

我愛你你愛她她愛她她愛他 ...

2011-03-21T20:23:00.002+08:00

I must have been too attached to you that I feel hurt.

It's progressive, like step by step, the disappointment increases such that I felt really really affected.

I was laughing, making it like a joke but I could feel tears coming out (ok, maybe I was exaggerating- but having the effect in which tears can drop in this sort of silly situation shows how affected i am)

Action: Diversify.

On the bright side, saturday at vivo was really relaxing. I missed my VJC choir friends so much. I guess i'm more attached to juniors than to my batch or seniors. Talking to them about school scary stories and love life. I feel like I am the one being counselled instead. Colin asked me : " you're planning on getting married right?" I went: "I really don't know... i don't mind being single/alone." Heartaches of my friends relationship seems to affect me more than them. And they were still so hopeful of love. Perhaps theirs was just 1 failed love. But I was a collation of all the sad stories I've heard.

2011-01-16T21:04:00.002+08:00

Blog, If you're depending on my posts to survive, you would have been a fossil by now.

It's really hard to depend on God all the time. Or rather, it would have been easy if I can depend on God all the time. Other than posting things I've learnt in a positive way, I've decided to enlarge my writing scope to include doubts that I have.

We are all imperfect. But our imperfect shows even more when we're in a group. Would it be better if we're all in solitude, enjoy the peace and comfort alone.

I understand why you behave that way. We're too exposed to the world that we will learn one or two tricks from there. We seek to be accepted. We want to stand out. We hope for attention. At that age, I too, behaved that way. However, currently, I m not mature enough to tolerate or accept you. You need time. But can I disappear while you grow up? Putting it another way, can I come back when I'm mature enough to accept you and the following batches?

I wish I could do that. However, I've been too deeply rooted. I could have stunt growth, but I can never uproot myself. On the other hand, can I survive in such an environment?

I wonder what did the ''seniors'' feel when I was like that in the past. haha.

2010-12-25T23:04:00.002+08:00

merry christmas.

I found out that there's so many different ways of worship though the foundations of the churches are similar.

2010-11-30T14:34:00.004+08:00

我知道，你不是让我宣泄的地方。但我若不在着宣泄，我就没有地方可去了。

今天是对我的惩罚吗？把我丢弃，让我孤独是吗？或许我因该学学大 s，自言自语:"我不会被打倒的。"

我没事。这是真的。虽然你什么都不知，但你让我孤独的这一天, 却给我加赠了一些感伤。

好难过的一天。

脑子里的另一个声音：世界上可怜的人多的是。不要在这里自觉得自己很可怜。因为你一点也不可怜。你这的已经很幸运的人，不要把你的错往别人身上推。

2010-11-09T15:24:00.003+08:00

This week is the last week of classes for this semester. Time flies. I vividly remember the day when i just stepped into the seminar room and making new friends that I was so comfortable with now. The emotions for this week are quite complicated, a mix of happiness as holidays are coming and sadness as I'm about to part with my newly found friends with a tint of excitement for the next semester.

For those who feel the same as me, I was consoled by the words of a friend.

She said: "It's one semester and you've made good friends! Then the next semester your amount of good friends will double! You've alot of good friends instead of just maintaing the relationship with one group of friends only. "

Yeah, may these happiness multiply too...

2010-11-03T23:06:00.003+08:00

Hey.

Life's been OKAY.

Seriously, when everyone else seems to be so busy over projects and after these few weeks, studying over exams. I feel that I'm actually OKAY. They stared at me with disbelieve.

I still have time to sleep, watch tv, rest at home. I think God is treating me real well.

However, recently the boss bidding is constantly on my mind. Like what should i bid for? What if i don't get them? What if i get them all ( which is what everybody who bids hope for) ? I'm afraid i can't cope with the workload.

Thankfully, i went for dg (some sort of cell group in school). I realised that everyone have their own worries but these are futile. As who can accomplish anything by worrying? Then the cause of worrying is due to lack of faith in God. I didn't trust him enough. I didn't truly believe that he will lead and provide me for the next sem, that he will be beside me when i face obstacles and struggles and he will lessen my burdens. So now i've prayed and added my bids, tomorrow I'ill see how God will lead me in my sem 2.

If you are feeling troubled and worried as well, why not flip the bible to Luke 12:22-34 and see what God wants to say to you?

2010-10-24T23:07:00.002+08:00

This sunday fifth week, there will be a movie screening of the story of William Carey.

He's a missionary that went to India to spread the gospel. Throughout his years, there were struggles and obstacles that even led him to question : is it really God's will to bring him there? or it's just his own desires. The movie really impacted me, in the sense that a superstitious environment can be so evil. A place without God can be so scary. Also, when there's a lack of support from family members can become a burden for someone serving God.

Here's some learnings point that I've gained from the video. I encourage you to watch the video, you can also gain a lot of insight!

Beware of who you are partnering
Sacrifice is needed
Family support
God provides in His time, sometimes we have to wait, even till the last moment- that’s how we grow in faith
We are weak and constantly doubt. It is his will or my own desire/fantasy
It is not easy to have faith in suffering
Be someone who persuades and share his vision

I've also have some doubts especially regarding Dorothy (his wife). But i guess it's no point writing here. Shall go look for someone who watched the movie and discuss.

2010-10-15T22:01:00.002+08:00

hello blog,

i'm going to change you into a reflective diary that contains substance.

Today i was taking the train to dhobby ghuat. As looking at the people there, i saw many well dressed, healthy looking young adults (no longer teenagers) standing and waiting. Then came a old couple. The grandpa was holding the hands of the old grandma, who couldn't straighten her back, and leading the way. I was sad, I pitied the condition of the grandma and wonders why is there an old couple taking the train? I sympathize them and started pondering about what history do they have. Have they braved through WW2? Were they our ancestor who worked to build up Singapore? Do they have a heart wrenching past?

I prayed. I hoped for them to be Christians. To have the salvation from God.

That's all you need. Whether you have a disastrous life now or had a sad past , it doesn't matter. Because you have God's mercy and grace NOW. He is with you now and forever. He delivers his promises.

On a lighter note, they are really loving. I hope for a man that will lead me, live with me, serve with me and love me even when I'm old and winkled, sick and forgetful, ill tempered and unreasonable. So if there's no such man, i would rather have God accompany me through my life. Thank you Lord.

Mental note: to buy small bible verses card/ booklets.

2010-10-10T15:01:00.003+08:00

Today, we watch a documentary regarding George Muller, someone with great faith.

He manages orphanages. It may sound like a common thing to us, since there's so many orphanages around. However, he's different. Never did he once ask for any financial support nor did he mention his needs to people. Miraculously, he did not go into debt. There were times where it seems like that there won't be food for the children. However, he stands firm in his faith and waited. God provides. Sometimes, it was only hours before that the meals that food donations came in. All these stretches his faith for God.

So, how can someone become so great in faith accomplish so much?

If you do some research on the life he had led before his life change, he was a thief, liar and gambler. I believe most of us may lead a more 'holy' life as compared to him. How can he accomplish so much? or rather What caused him to change?

It was knowing the True meaning of Christianity, the despicable nature of man and the need for salvation.

He learns about religion since his was young as his father wanted him to work in the church. Sounds like a second generation Christian - like me. However during those days he still led a sinful life. So the point is not about knowing Christ, all these changes he had, have nothing to do with the amount of knowledge, but the personal relationship with God. Do you really truly believe that be it in wealth or poverty, blessing or disaster that God has his purpose? Do you trust that God provides and not you trying to use your own methods to plan for your future?

Lastly, how does he do all that?

It's because he understands God's will and purpose in his life.

How? Attitude. towards reading the bible and praying.

Seek God with a humble and meek attitude. Listens to what he wants to say and not rush through devotion like it's an obligation.

This is my challenge to myself and you, whoever that's reading this, for the week.

One lasting impression from the dvd was that even though he had to bury his wives and daughter and was alone in the world, he was not lonely.

2010-10-06T17:22:00.001+08:00

Do you know how happy I was to see you today?

Haven't been so excited in a long time.

It made me realised what I've missed out on.

However, if time was to rewind, my choice would still be the same.

2010-09-14T22:16:00.001+08:00

Today is the last time.

God please help me keep to my promise.

You would want me to be more optimistic too.

2010-09-06T21:00:00.002+08:00

无话可说。

我找不到适合的字来形容，所以只能让傻傻的看着电脑，让泪水一滴一滴的滑落。

得到许多的同时，让我发现了我失去了好多。我失去了友情，知足，快乐。

一个人在街上走路，一个人冲冲的行走，一个人假装很忙，为了掩饰我的孤单。

在多人的角落却让我深刻的明白 ‘不属于‘ 着三个字。

问我大学好吗？我会笑著说：‘好啊，它让我学习了独立。’

2010-09-01T11:35:00.002+08:00

有人曾经问过我：“你有什么害怕的事吗？因为你看起来什么都行，什么都不怕。”

那时，我就随便说了些什么。但其实，我害怕的就是你会知道我害怕。

2010-08-15T00:25:00.001+08:00

how? i don't think i can move on. i still can't let you go.

2010-08-05T01:19:00.002+08:00

hello diary, it's the first time i'm typing with my mac. Life's been good with this new personal laptop. But life's bad as I proceed with uni. First is that i'm not sure of what i'm doing in here. there's no clear goal for me. Thus i hate it when people ask :"why did you come to econs in smu?"

Second, I've to spend so much time discussing and not deciding on issues. There's a need to fit my timetable, then have to consider the availability of such classes and also how much to bid for each prof. Lastly, I'm still finding a place for me to fit.

Qin can use FB in China, I wonder why. Oh well, I wonder if she can access blogspot now that she can use FB. Once a year meeting. Once a year we talk. Other times is just email. Sad.

Mummy keeps brainwashing me to not anyhow find a boy and date. I never intended to date in uni after hearing from qimei and also going for that trip to China. I wanna marry some China boy! hahaha. But all those are plans. You will never know what's going to happen.

2010-07-19T00:23:00.002+08:00

How many emotional scars can a youngster handle?
How many words can be kept unspoken?
How many secrets can a heart contains?

Time of the month. The time for reflection, the time for pain, the time for tears.
I've gained alot from this trip and it made me ponder how much I've lost in the past years too.

Issues that I couldn't bring up. Words that I didn't know if I should believe. Tears that I shouldn't shed. I never liked crying, it feels like a loser unable to control her emotions.

I usually don't believe in lasting friendship. But now i wonder if it's something I've made up to prevent myself from the agony of sending someone important out of my life.

2010-07-11T22:07:00.001+08:00

Enjoy the experience of walking down the lonesome road.
Life's a personal, individual journey.
They walk in, eventually will walk out.
You can't hold them back.
Cus they have their own path to take.

wait, wait and wait.

GOOD BYE.

2010-07-06T11:41:00.002+08:00

AAHHHHHHHHH!
everything's so confusing. I'VE NO IDEA ABOUT ALL THAT school stuff. HELP!

2010-07-02T23:41:00.002+08:00

Finally settled most of the stuff which deadlines are drawing close and BACK from ftb.
Now there's just a little time to update you on what's going on.

So, this week was hectic. Monday was rushing the slides and Tue- Thurs was camp.
Didn't get to sleep for around 1 full day for the camp this time round as i had to wake up on Fri morning to continue rushing the slides. there's also this CIP talk in school in the afternoon.

THEN IT WAS POURING SO HEAVILY, i was drenched and couldn't get to school on time. OK, i shouldn't blame the rain. cause i left house a little later and kinda lost my way. you must be wondering how can someone get lost going to town right? there's also surprises out there for you. so ya.

2 issues on my mind

it's hard to stand firm on my values, maybe it's because i don't exactly believe in what I've to do or that i really want to get to the dark side. I've always been adventurous (not literally), but whatever it is, standing in a pile of dirty water, it's difficult to stay clean.

Secondly, i really wanted to do it. I've even thought of it as a career. it's dangerous, don't make us worry, it's an expensive hobby. there's cold water all over my head. there's a higher risk in losing your life in that activity, but you've only one life, are you just going to spend it not trying out things that you love?

well, it may just be the spur of the moment, like you've said.

2010-06-27T22:31:00.002+08:00

I like it when you ask me to do things.
I like it when I've assignments to rush.
I like it when my schedule's all planned out.
I like it when I'm busy.

I like it as it shows how time is precious and can be use much more efficiently.

2010-06-25T22:32:00.003+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
did something really stupid. a mistake followed by another and another...
it takes lots of effort to make it right again.
should i go back to church tomorrow to sort it out?

on the bright side, i made an discovery. HEEHEE.

2010-06-24T22:01:00.002+08:00

Caught in a mess.
LONG STORY. i guess you will never see this as u don't know my link, but i just want to say this: you're my friend, so is he.
plus, we have a more dedicate relationship as compared to yours.

Talking to yan and tian on the phone just now. reminds me of something that has ended. Yan say she doesn't know what happened in the end and Tian says i'm horrible to stop being friends and all. But when i did that, i thought it was the best way to protect both of us. Oh well, Shall update them on it next week when we meet up.

So ya.

There's some camp promotional day tmr at smu, but i can't find anyone to go with.
Cause i've no idea who's going to smu and is free tmr and will want to go camps too.
SAD. maybe i'ill just stay at home? too much camps isn't very good either.

Anw, i'ill be going for the freshman team building camp next week. Kind of nervous.
Though it's just 3 days, they ask us to bring 5 sets of clothes. scary. I don't know what to expect man.

2010-06-22T00:44:00.003+08:00

I'm enjoying the feeling of being alone. walking down the streets leisurely, sorting out my thoughts, planning my day, don't need to fit into other people's timing, reading at starbucks... the list is never ending.

I'm becoming like a loner.

oh ya, Qin is finally coming back.

2010-06-16T20:32:00.002+08:00

life's as it is.
had slight fever on sun. it was surprising since i don't usually have fever, and i recently got stung by mosquitoes in malaysia. Was wondering if i had dengue. Thank God it recovered by mon.

then mon i went to dentist to extract the other wisdom tooth. i was really glad that that's it. the last one in my mouth. no more such experience. phew. then it hurts. can't laugh, can't smile, can't sleep.

the rest of the days were watching dramas, planning games and facebook.
got to do my uni stuff too. but swen's so busy to coordinate with me. sian

2010-06-12T00:05:00.003+08:00

I'm back from mission trip. I wonder if it's too much experiences of staying up late or age that I no longer have the desire to keep awake every night (or even on the last night) to hang out with friends.
Every single day, me and jie will roll out our mattresses and sleeping bags and sleep like we haven slept for years.

this mission trip is filled with both happy, surprising and angry moments.
Happy memories are for me to keep, surprising ones are for me to try it out again on someone and angry ones are to be forgotten. Well, friction always occurs when you become too close to someone. let's just forget them.

this month of june will fly past real quickly,
as every week is filled of activity.

so this coming monday will be a week of pain and blood.
Then sat will be bbq with tao nan.

2 weeks to start from nothing, 2 seconds to end and pretend it never exist.

Was watching the re-play of little nyonya today. There was this scene where the granddaughter called the grandma cruel for being able to cut ties with the person she love completely. Since she was not able to get together with him again without feeling guilty, the best way is to end it. I believe it must have been painful and I really admired her character as she was able to keep to her decision to end the relationship properly.

2010-06-03T21:15:00.002+08:00

I collected my grad cert, a level cert and year book today. It's weird that 2 years of memories can be squeezed into 1 book. Pathetic.

Met up with swen and jia as we went to pakway to drink KOI and I ate lunch. hahaha. it's just a few weeks since we last met, but seems like we have so much to update each other that a few hours ain't enough. for the past week, all 3 or us have resign from our jobs, 2 of us went overseas, and i went for a camp! information overload. it's sad, that we're now left to update each other in our activities as we're no longer involved in each other's activities.

we have all decided on where we're going, be it if we're sure of what's ahead of us.

qin,
there's no news from you. I wonder if you've made ur choice too. will it be here or elsewhere? seems like this is how far we can go. communicating through emails. ha.
i know you won't be reading this as you can't access blogspot, but this serves as a reminder to me and you that i've once missed you, that it's hard to contact you, that you've been away.

2010-05-31T15:51:00.003+08:00

My phone is totally ruin by the mineral water that leaked in my bag. IT CAN'T RESPOND TO TOUCH. shit. for a touch screen phone. I've been phone-less for 3 days at least. All my information are still in my phone, gotta get it out somehow. Fortunately i just managed to save my contacts to my sim card. Thank God.

I'm exhausted. Just came back from the pri4 camp. Having an overseas trip which made me ill followed by facilitating a camp for children is crazy. Slept at 2.30am last night and had to wake up at 6.30am. I seriously need to go and rest now!

One interesting incident in the camp, I got stung by a bee.

2010-05-22T16:33:00.002+08:00

TMR TMR, I'M GG OFF TMR!
i'm kinda scared for the trip cause it's just 2 of us. Please pray for our safety and that we have a good time! May we come back all refresh and ready to move on!

Ka yan and me have something in common. Not a good thing. but, oh well, let's say we're not ready. So mean while, keeps our eyes open and avoid falling into pits.

2010-05-20T21:44:00.003+08:00

I realised i seldom make decisions. Instead of choosing this over that, I went 'this choice opens more options in the future, choose this. Next time then i think what I want to do. ' This happened in my choosing of subject combi in JC. Seems like history is going to repeat.

Another problem it's so hard to say. NO. STOP. It's getting too far off. First time you can say that's it's not your fault as you aren't aware of what's going on. What about the Second time? The Third? You can't just push the blame to the other party.

Wait for reply, or just charge straight away with the other choice?

2010-05-18T20:27:00.002+08:00

YEAH. vic came over today and we did what we were supposed to accomplish.
it's really cute. must rmb to ask her to send me the photos!
she told me about how to make a choice through tossing a coin.

decide on which is head and which is tail. toss a coin. if you got a head and really regretted it/wants the tail, that is actually your choice. well, i have not try it for my case yet. i'm waiting for the opportunity.

2010-05-17T12:41:00.003+08:00

After the freak tragic accident that happened on fri, we tried to re-organise our lives again.
So currently, the jobless me is going to help clean the house. Well, i don't mind since i'm basically staying at home and doing some research.
so i guess cleaning up the house will make use of all the left over free time that i have.

things i've to do for this week
1) clean house
2) research for the places of interest for my trip
3) meet up with vic to prepare stuff
4) go out with vic, ry for lunch
5) simei's dinner
6) plan ya june picnic
7) finish reading the dating book, so i can return to phoe
8) check out on the uni i will end up in

I've to keep a look out on my spending since there's a cut in the inflow of money.
Well, got to go do the above things already. Good bye.

There's no more time for you.

2010-05-12T22:36:00.002+08:00

I wonder if it was better if I blogged yesterday. I mean the feeling was stronger last night. There was so much I wanted to say. Just 1 day and now I have no idea how to express those thoughts that had went back to their hiding places.

Let me try to organise my thoughts again.
Firstly, I was at the VJChoir concert. Altos met up for dinner and we chatted.
The same old topics like what have you been doing, which uni you want to go, the old days, choir stuff, etc. I miss singing in a choir. I believe we all do. It's always like that, people tend to miss the times that they can no longer go back to. When the whole thing was over, you will miss the happy times and forget all about the hardwork, stress, sian-ness that you've gone through. Those tough moments that you used to say never to have to go through again.

Singing no man was touching. to us it's a song to bring back past memory. However, to them it marks the end of their journey. From now on you can no longer make changes, but only look back to what you've done.

Well, you always make girls feel special. I wonder if that's a talent or a curse. I hoped I was different, but I guess it was just another typical relationship you have. So I will let it go and move on. No point holding on to meaningless feelings.

Secondly, I should be more optimistic. It's their first few weeks and I'm already scaring them with the work. I guess no matter how bad it was I survived for 3 months, so that means they may be able to do so . It's my last week but the baggages on my shoulders doesn't have to be passed onto them. Let them find their own and carry them till the end.

2 more days .
Actually, days without work doesn't seem much more interesting now.

2010-05-09T20:44:00.002+08:00

HELLO.

Saturday
Met up with yoon, ben and swen in the afternoon. I was really happy that they can make it for the meet up. Chit chat about their ns life and funny stuff. I wonder who they will bring for their 'party'. still hope that someone will be different and bring his mother there. HAHA.

Then, we had farewell dinner for huimin at down town east sakura. It's a pity that some of us can't come and that someone didn't really want to come. BUT ALL IS FINE. We still had fun!

So the buffet wasn't so worth it for us as we aren't great eaters and that we're full from that laughing at sebastian's jokes. I still think his jokes are a bit scary than funny. I won't be sharing his jokes here cause it's only funny when you hear it from him directly and see his stupid facial expressions. Another reason is that his jokes are always linked to me, some how or another. well, if you're really interested, i guess you can ask me and i MAY tell you.

Sunday
Really tired.

Met up with Jia ling at coffee bean. We talked for 1hr plus and went to walk around for a while then we head back home. It was a really a chill-lax session, no laughing or crazy moments but still very enjoyable. We both wonder when will it be the next time our whole class can meet up.
I doubt it will be soon for mega gatherings, but small little groups may be weeks later?

Another event to look forward to is THIS WEEK IS MY LAST WEEK!!! WOOOH HOO!
I can't believe i managed to stay on for approximately 3 months. I really pray that this final week will peacefully pass by. then friday is a farewell picnic for me!!! looking forward to it.

I'm still packing my timetable and filling up all empty slots.

2010-05-04T21:28:00.002+08:00

TIAN, you know my secret now!! hahaha.
it's really an interesting trait right?
can't wait to find out the weird things you do in such situations too.
MUST TELL ME HOR! since I'm already so honest and frank towards you!

so yeah. do a prayer, stop thinking about it and everything will just fall in place.
be it schedule or others.

so yeah! my schedule for this week is packed!
though with some i-dunno-what-is-going-to-happen programmes.
but at least confirm got people come and accompany me !
so that's GOOD ENOUGH!!!

2010-05-03T19:53:00.004+08:00

Now I'm pissed.

With all the different time slots that are available after our hectic lifestyles (consisting of working girls with different shifts, hardworking girl with tons of tuition, army boys with confinement and everyone else with other commitments), the common potential time that we can meet is none . that's correct ZERO. It's either you and her without me, you and me without her ... simply, we just can't have full force. URGH.

Then there comes the happiest thing. NS boys say they are most probably can come out on Friday and late shift girl say she can come after work. Meeting time is 10pm to 12am(taking into consideration of nagging parents) . HURRAY. Finally we can at least get some progress in this gathering. So exciting.

THEN AS A NICE AND OBEDIENT GIRL, I went to seek permission.

Here comes the BOMB.

NO. THAT'S TOO LATE. It's dangerous.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What? I tried to consider your point of view and said I will be back by 12am or most probably even earlier.
( attempts at reasoning / tried arguing)
Do you want me to set curfew?
(THAT WAS IT.) Even if you set, doesn't mean I will obey.
Lock the door and you can sleep outside/staircase/whatever
THAT'S GREAT. what's with saying all the above crap about it being dangerous.
=_________________________________=
shut my mouth. should totally follow instructions and stay over at my friend's house.
.
.
.
.
.
continue shutting my mouth.

So now, we're back to square.
Trying to organize something out of nothing and returning back to nothing for the whole day was just irritating.

2010-05-02T21:24:00.005+08:00

To my soul mate:

Let this be my confession. Thank you for being my soulmate and that I can count on you to share and obtain some advice from a Christian point of view. Now I understand what you mean that sometimes people are better off as soulmates :) You've been there for me when I'm really down, with my wife (best friend) away somewhere in China and some other friends, busy with their lives. I really appreciate that.

Now it's my turn to apologise.
I'm sorry for burdening you with my troubles especially when I'm so fickle. Even I myself find it really irritating. It's not like I don't know what to do but whether I will follow through what I've decided.

I do not know your definition of feelings.
So I don't know if my interest in this means that I do have feelings for him. All I know is that I don't like to disappoint people especially when the other party tries so hard. I can easily forget and move on when I sense that the other person is not making an effort to maintain the relationship. However, I really have a soft spot for people who tries to accommodate my time to meet me, travel all the way to my side when I'm lazy to move, go along with my spontaneous requests, etc. Of course what I've just mentioned does not all apply in this case.

I really like the thrill, venturing into a situation that no one has control in. Well, I guess the above shows that I like to play. You can say I'm cruel, you can say I'm not considering his feelings, you can say I'm hurting others. Right now, I do not have the ability to break free from such sinful thoughts. Hah, I'm selfish too.

I need to find my answer and an appropriate action to settle all these.
Hopefully, it will be the best solution. Please keep me in your prayers. I will pray for you too.
May we both learn and grow in Christ.
There's nothing much human can do, let God do the impossible.
Let God fill the gaps in our hearts.
Let him lead.

Thankfully, Phoe finally remember to pass me this book (I kissed dating goodbye.) Hopefully, I can find my answer in there.

To tian, if you ever find your way here. Thanks for making an effort to meet me today. Thanks for listening to me go on and on about people too.
We're both facing problems and they are similar to a certain extent. Hopefully, we can both find solutions to our problems real soon and that we can return to our happy selves again. Look forward to the next time we meet.

2010-05-01T11:50:00.000+08:00

That was easy.
Just a prayer and hand the matter to God.
Should do that for every single trouble I have.

2010-04-30T18:09:00.002+08:00

i don't even have to wait for 3 months.
that's good. it's all over.
i've sorted myself out.
so yeah.

can't wait to meet THEM on sunday.
starbucks or coffee bean here i come!
sit. chat. relax. rot.

2010-04-29T23:05:00.002+08:00

HEY!

it's not that my blog is boring.
it's just i like to share the interesting news face to face so i can see all the FUNNY expressions.

just did that today.
had dinner with tkg friends.
it's a pity qin couldn't come.
she totally missed all the latest updates from us.
i think when she's back all the issues are outdated.
it's sad that she can't even use FB.

you don't like me enough.

2010-04-25T23:09:00.000+08:00

hey.
Stop clotting up. just bleed will you.

You're always the first one to leave.
But why haven't i grown numb to that.

2010-04-25T22:02:00.003+08:00

TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY.

I've got the mail.
It's a pity that the other schools didn't get back to me.
Oh Well, that's good already.
Thank God.

Let's start my countdown.
What the adults said were right, there's still years for me to work after i graduate.
I shall just keep to my words, finish this up and do something more meaningful.
Learn cooking, read bible and how to cha hua!

Mr owl is going ns tomorrow and he's being annoying today.
He even dared me to ignore him. humph. I shall do that.
Let him go suffer in army.
HAHAHA.

I'm always evil.

2010-04-24T12:36:00.001+08:00

hahaha.
I'm evil.
too bad! who tell you don't remember my blog link.
lalalala.

find me if you can.
let's see how long you take.
:)

2010-04-22T00:58:00.003+08:00

I didn't dare to ask this question although there was a chance again.
Sometimes, I hope that I could be more brave to approach you.
However, I could never break the barrier.

If only we could be more honest with ourselves.
I will just wait for you 3 months more.

2010-04-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

Why is it that you always ask me to wait?
And that my answer is always a Yes.

2010-04-20T11:14:00.003+08:00

It was dangerous.
I was going to be robbed of one of my secrets last night.

If you told me something more, I would have dropped the bomb.
The thing that I was keeping for years.

Well, I'm glad that it ended up this way.

2010-04-11T20:16:00.002+08:00

hello.
I did sth i have not done in 5 months.
I really need to do it to release all the tension that was building up in the past few weeks.
Although it really pains my heart, i guess what has to be done will be done.
Well, at least I'm feeling much better.

Can you guess what I did?

2010-03-30T22:06:00.001+08:00

i need to know what i want.
i need to be firm about it.
i need to fight for it.
i need to sustain my stand.
i need to achieve it.

2010-03-29T19:17:00.002+08:00

why is it so hard to be truthful?

2010-03-28T20:33:00.004+08:00

how have you been? that's the opening phrase for me now. it's sad isn't it. we used to be in each other's life. now we're just spectators waiting for updates.

we say we will meet. we keep saying that. however, when will the meeting be? it's always next time. well, life's like that. i thought i'm used to all these already. As we age, we've to prioritise and the time allocated to each becomes lesser or even none.

i really missed my class. it's so sad. i don't think i had ever missed a class that much before.
i don't regret sticking on when i should have taken bio instead of phy.
thank you. each and everyone of you. you've enriched my jc life. made these 2 years filled with fun and laughter.

oh well. things don't change do it?
i thought we were special. but it happens that she was too.
why am i disappointed? when there's nothing to begin with since years ago.

2009-12-07T15:00:00.002+08:00

it's only been 1 week since the end of my A level papers but it feels as though i've been laying around at home for months. so bored. i'm gg to find jobs!!

anw, choir farewell's over. kinda sad, that these 2 years pass so quickly. it's a pity we didn't sing no man as an end off.

i'm gg to re-perm my hair. oh ya, i keep droppin alot of hair lo!! i wonder if it's due to the shampoo or the perming.

i watched you're beautiful already!!! so nice!
and now i'm watching IRIS. haha.

2009-11-19T18:30:00.003+08:00

i haven been updating you for so long. anw, life's good. since As are over in 4 papers time ALTHOUGH that 3 more papers is gg to last for 2 weeks.

oh well, i'm already in the holiday mood. every paper done is like throwing away 2 years of burden. imagine, i no longer need to do essays for GP!!! no more econs.
hahah.

looking forward to holidays.
there's so much i want to do. i better make a list soon!

2009-10-19T22:52:00.002+08:00

i studied alone today at Sing post as swen, yoon studying with other ppl, hoe's sick, tian not free and qin went shopping. oh well, at least yoon came to look for me for awhile.

when i think about the future, i'm feeling glad that all these are coming to an end. but when i'm studying at this moment, i'm scared that all these ain't enough. what if i haven't pushed myself hard enough? what if by studying a bit more i can achieve much more? however, if i did, ain't i depending on myself and not God?

that's why i hate to think. hate to plan.
just let me live day by day.

at least we study for a purpose.

2009-10-14T19:50:00.002+08:00

i've been neglecting you and qin's diary for so long. many things had happened. we laughed, cried, been together and now had ended. but we'ill try to keep it together although we all know it's hard. people do move on you see.

things will never be the same.
but you can still try to keep it that way.

2009-07-22T22:01:00.003+08:00

hey yo! today is my bday!!! WOOH HOO. i shall blog! this are the presents i receive!

the below pic is by my class. i feel kinda bad cus i told everyone that i wanted water bottle and fake nails and my class bought them for me. HOWEVER, my sis bought nails for me and my ah ma bought water bottle for me too!!! nvm, I WILL USE THEM ALL! dun have to buy waterbottle for the next 5 yrs le... haha
THE PICTURES BELOW ARE FRM QIN!

best durian cake. qin rushed down to orchard to buy cus the cake needs to be served within 45 min for it to be nice. I'M SO TOUCHED.

this is the KEY by qin too...

anw, i really wanna thank my class for their really nice wishes on the card. every msg was so sincere. and some of them said i sang well and wanna hear me sing. SHOCKED. anw, special thanks to yoon, jia, swen for gg out w me to slack and laugh. i dun need a comprehensive celebration, i jus need one with the ppl i love. it was really fun today.

to qin, why ur letters alwys so sad. is it because we're alwys so happy together, that our sad emotions can only be expressed thru paper? i cant believe i teared jus by peeping at the contents when u went toilet. HAIX, i just cant change the habit of crying outside... LOL. oh well, but i'm glad that u can leave this sad place soon.

ok. on a lighter note, i'm happy.

2009-06-27T22:11:00.001+08:00

some ppl are just so irritating.

2009-06-10T23:34:00.002+08:00

i wanted to blog ytd, but the net screwed up. so....

ytd was fun. i went out w vic. i've telepathy with her la. cus i was slacking at home then i wanted to go out to study, but i thot i should rest another day at home first. so i msg her and a few others to ask who is available out tmr. and she replied "how abt now?" HAHAHA. so we went and studied!

as usual, vic do all the "i cant expect anyone will do it but vic alwys do these out-of-the-box" stuff... but, WISH U MAX HAPPINESS IN THE FEW YEARS TO COME. haha. oh we went to this literature store, where vic went "oooo oooo aahhhh ahhh" ovr the things. the stuff are really arty AND expensive. there's also diff kind of cameras. it's really a store for vic man.

today, went out w qin to esplanade library to study. i saw this girl wearing vjc choir shirt there. i guess she should be a year 2, w long hair, likes music as she was borrowing books... so it's either wen siu or cheryl! i guess it's wen siu. BUT TOO BAD. i cant see her face...

we studied at the tables there for a few hours, then we went to subway at marina sq. TOTALLY CANT study there la. the lights are flicking and there were sofa to slack on. so we went back to esplanade library but the tables were taken. so we sat at the seats near e window. the chair have no friction. i kept sliding off. and the lighting was REAL bad. but we persevere and studied till 830. u may say quantity is not quality, BUT when there's no quantity, there's no quality.

looking thru the window at SG nite scenery is really emo-ing for me. the memories came back, like how i use to walk down the river w lindis, how the carolling performances and concerts were, all the fun and crazy moments. oh well, ~~good things~~ everything's gonna end sooner or later one.

then qin went home and i wanted to walk back to the mrt. AND I SAW this grp of a cappella grp performing. THEY WERE REALLY GOOD. entertaining, fun, engaging, good sound and cute! hahaha. aft the performance then i know they are the yale alley cats. they totally light up my day.

2009-06-02T14:11:00.004+08:00

ytd, i was back from the tns camp. aft they dismissed us, my group wanted to go out for lunch, but i pang sei them, cause i really cant take it le. SO TIRED AND DIRTY. so i took a cab home and BATH and SLEEP. till the next morning. i'm like BOOM drop dead, i didn't even wake up when my alarm rings. but aft 12 midnight, i kinda regain my consciousness and keep a cycle of waking up and sleeping all the way till 9am! anw, i could feel my throat swelling in the night. luckily it was better when i woke up...

the kids are really good, i mean i woke up this morning and a few of them already emailed me and added me on face book. dont they needed sleep when they go home? mayb it's just me that needs 18 hours of rest aft a 3 day camp.

anw, some pictures.

xiu xiu is so cute! this is quan jia fu pose!

my group kid: ryan.

this kid is from another group! don't u think he looks like e stairways to heaven, the painter guy?!

my group ppl. haha. my fellow gf and the girls.

everytime i come online, i feel the need to write my t3a, yet i keep procrastinating.

so mayb i will avoid this place. blog, u're going to be alone for quite some time.

2009-05-27T20:52:00.001+08:00

sucker.

stop quarelling.

damn.

why must there be this mess?

you think you're good?

just do your own work.

shut up.

when must you have control of it?
when it's effort by both sides.

damn.

2009-05-24T19:26:00.000+08:00

don't say anything, if they aren't going to come out nice.

2009-05-19T19:40:00.002+08:00

haix.

when i was just having a little hope in love.
this had to happen again. on my best friend.

i know it's too late to say anything, that's why i wasn't scolding/blaming. or at least i tried not to. because no matter how much we cried for you or how hard you tried to smile, we all know u're the one that's bleeding inside. diff ppl have diff weakness, we jus have to overcome them with God's help by ourselves.

i really hoped you can come church with me.
because i really dun know what to say or how to help u... i know you can't just break off like that even though i think that's the best way. but i just hope that listening to God's words can help u make the right choice from now on.

my church tchr once asked:
"how many ppl have you brought to christ?"
... ... ...

"how many of them are still in church?"
...

"how many of them are still in church and are serving?"
.

you've definitely pulled me back from my holiday slacking mode to the face the reality mode.

2009-05-16T12:10:00.003+08:00

hey, long time no update. i'm so lazy to update....

so just tell u what happened recently.

went for

jia and tey siang bday

syf

match support

ruoyu bday

sov

swen bday

missing lessons...

2009-04-26T20:19:00.003+08:00

HELLO.

I WENT OUT WITH WAN SWEN YTD. we wanted to buy bags. and we knew of a cheap place to get them. BUT they're totally not our style. all the bags are the cute cute ones carry by little girls!

so we went to eat subway and studied at kfc. AND AND, THERE'S THIS CUTE GUY THAT CAME AND SAT AT THE TABLE BESIDE US. ahhhhhhhh!!! when he came, both me and swen looked at each other w/o talking!! and we knew what's on our minds. anw, i thot that guy looks a little like yang wei.

then we studied and....

wan swen slept. go see her photo in my face book!

i took lots of random photos! see my new hair isnt really ugly.

hahahaahaah!

2009-04-16T22:39:00.002+08:00

hey yo.

QIN YO, cheer up. do de stress urself and TALK TO ME if u have probs. laugh 300 times a day ok, just like children with happy childhood. hahaha.

things to plan
1) study camp
2) great sg sale
3) movie?
4) baking
... ...

now, i so hope it won't reach.

2009-04-15T21:10:00.001+08:00

haix.

i'm so lazy to fight for something i don't desire so much. yet, for the sake of my precious friends and juniors. HAIX.

dave is so troublesome. keep changing links.

2009-04-13T20:55:00.002+08:00

i've been slacking this whole 2 weeks. watch drama (mei-chan... boys b4 flowers..), play with my new hp, slp in lectures... i just feel that everything is meaningless, studying, going to school, getting a cert. what's all these for?

sorry, my answer is a NO. maybe it will end up like what bing hao have said. i'm nt going. i kinda wish i can go, to go relax, play... esp since i dun have the studying motivation now. but, my parents said it's not worth it and accidents may happen eg my face break out last yr... so it's safer not to go and stay in sg to study. oh well, since i do not have such a deep desire to go, i will just go according to their wishes. my frens are nt gg anw...

haha.

2009-04-05T19:49:00.002+08:00

i've gotten a new phone. though it's at a more ex price. BUT WHATEVER, just be contented jinli. stupid jinli. why are u so fickle minded. AH.

POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE.

oh dave, it's been so long since i see you. saw ur tag! what happened? i purposely online so that u can talk to me on msn. hahaha

2009-03-22T21:48:00.002+08:00

i haven't been updating for a week.
well, so much have happened that i can't put them into words. feelings just keep piling up. it's this whole year worth of problems that can't be solve in a few days.

went to spiritual adoption family's house.
"are you ok? why are you so quiet"

"i'm always quiet." i said in a bhb tone.

so why? why is it that people notice that i'm quiet? if it's phoe sitting there, they won't ask rite? am i really that noisy last time? well, i think the prob is not that people notice, it's rather, why have i changed? what have i become?

anti social?
recently... i mean from the start of the year, i love to be quiet. esp in church. just sit down there and think or stone. i'm kinda tired of answering qns. standard qns. regarding how am i coping, how's my life.... WHAT CAN I SAY OTHER THAN "OK" ? can i say that i'm not doing fine. i'm really tired. i don't want to study anymore. i don't care about you anymore. i don't want to explain how i feel. even if i said all these, it can't solve anything. so what's the use of saying. plus, most of the time, i'm contradicting myself .

"will you all go to erm, what's that called, a pub? or a club?"
"NO. of course. i want to avoid temptation"
"i want to set a good example for my family"
(do you wanna hear the honest answer? i struggled.)

"yes. i don't mind. i want to go see see."

*shocked looks*

if you really know me, you know that i love to challenge traditions, people, whatever. even if i do agree with you, i just want to argue with you. doesn't that makes the conversation more interesting? and you can see things from a different view.

i remembered when i called home during class outing last friday. "Mom, i'm going home late." we negotiate about the time i should go home. blah blah. quarrelled quarrelled and i've to go home before 1145. but i said "i will take the last train."

in the end, everyone went home at 10 because the shops were all closed. no ice cream to eat.
it's like i don't want to live a life that's controlled by others. I want you to trust me. To give me the freedom to do what i want. But i will always do what you wanted me to because i don't want to break your faith in me.

"i'm struggling because i can't be a totally evil person because i will feel guilty yet i can't be a totally good person due to the environment."
i totally agree. That's why i'm struggling. the fight between the evil and the good. it's either complete victory or complete failure. anything in between is pain.

the year that i was pulled away so much that i feel like quiting bs.
friends do influence your priorities.

as i get closer to my class and further from my church.

2009-03-15T14:50:00.002+08:00

WAH SIAN. i got food poisoning from last night choir bbq. can't go bs after service cus i've to rush home to rest. should have eaten the pill before i left house. should have eaten the pill last night when it hurts. but i thought my immune system is stronger than that.

so ytd was 9am to 9pm. out the WHOLE day. super dirty, smelly and tired but fun!

firstly, i went to tns pre camp and made new friends like yu xin, yang rong and cedar girls. got this v cute gal inside! hahaha. it was really dehydrating to be under the hot bright sun and playing PRI 4 games. like see who skip faster? however, our team is so slack, we're like playing tricks for most of the games la. then we walked to ecp and back to tns to get familiarise with the night hike..

after the pre camp, i went back to the beach with jomel for the choir bbq. and it was drizzling. finally managed to start the fire. and cook. and eat. we couldnt play games becus ppl won't coming on time and they wanted to eat first. u noe, when ppl started to eat their moods so BOOM into the nua mode. so where got mood to play. ... made me prepare for nth. THEN they keep wanting to push the activities to after the bbq food are done cooking and eatin. PLEASE la. ppl wanna go home want leh. then when most of them really gotta go we did angel mortal reveal in a messy way and end. some went home, some eat, others get high. LOL. most food was tao bao anyway. then i cope a chicken wing to eat on the way home. i think it was THAT wing that resulted in me in this plight.

sian. seriously should i just stay at home for tmr? what if i sick again?

BUT CANT PANG SEH RITE? sian.

2009-03-12T20:53:00.002+08:00

happy bird day to my sister!!! CHEN JINCI!

may God continue to bless you each day!

today is a happy day.
why?

1) last paper of ct1
2) sing k
3) my new maid came
4) my sis bird day
5) i've enough sleep
6) no lessons tmr
7) gg to pre camp on sat
8) .... ...

but i'm kinda sad for wan swen. next time must keep a look out for each other's things and rmb not to be so careless myself.

hope qin is doing fine. i think she's also stressed over studies. jia you. a little more and u can be as free as a bird.

2009-03-08T22:22:00.002+08:00

it's good to aim.

but i'm not those determined enough to put in so much to achieve those goals.

so what's the use of having aims in the first place?

maybe that's just an excuse for me not putting in enough effort.

went studying with wan swen at just acia. we just kept eating!

he's really cute! ahhh.
it's the feeling you get when you see your eye candy!!
but i'm supposed to be so over him already.
hmmm.

oh whatever, focus on cts first. ahhhh.

counting down to end of jc life.

to get more freedom.

2009-03-07T21:36:00.002+08:00

don't comment if you can't do better.

went out to study with qin and kexin. once again realised how quickly money could be spent .
i'm so amazed with kexin's skills on eyelash, nails. ... ...
she did change alot but i think we all do. it's like we've to, in order to fit into the surrounding we're in now. however, i believed deep down we're all the same..

i want to do e ass NOW. but it isn't loading.

urgh.

mon is the start.

may the end comes quickly.

2009-03-03T21:39:00.005+08:00

ok, i owe ppl lots of photos! sry. i'm too lazy to upload PLUS my handphone camera is really lousy. anw, here's some interesting stuff.

WHICH FACIAL EXPRESSION IS THE CORRECT ONE for soyjoy?

HMMMM....

went back with vic to tkg! haha. we ate so much food in the sch canteen and still went to eat jack place! yum!

<3 all my best friends!

it's beeen soooo long since i've seen qin! :( regreted the home study plan. IT DIDNT WORK OUT.

i should avoid emo talk from now on.

2009-03-01T21:33:00.003+08:00

oh my.

there's so many things i dunno!
i keep getting headaches.

helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!

live in grace or
live in faith.

on the bright side, sajiko jelly drink is yummy! my headaches are not super pain. and no choir tmr.

my mum kept tellin me not to get a bf whenever there's show abt broken relationships on the tv which is every now and then. and i tell her, go be a nun la.
... ...

she just chose the wrong moment to talk to me. WHEN i'm doing e ass.

2009-02-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

it's all in the mind.

i'm not going to let you affect me.

study.

yes. study

yes. yes. study

most imptly, God bless.

2009-02-23T21:13:00.003+08:00

from david :

"I <3>
(oh, the perfectly normal way aka. like bro sis like that or smth. :D)

Shes strong in the queer sense of the world. She is my pillar of strength when I get disillusioned. Shes strong. Strong in the weird and pessimistic and even more despair sense. -.-

:DI still remember that time we met in the circle with lindis. How I kind of got infatuated with you in the lift. BUT NEVER AGAIN. :D Youre too precious a friend for me to fall in love the romantic way anyway. ..."

i've cut off the bottom stuff cus it's not worth knowing. BUT thanks david. u've made my night happy! after a whole series of dramatic events in the day.

2009-02-23T20:50:00.002+08:00

breathing checked. face checked. eyes checked.
all clear. let's enter the house.

i hate crying. it's like showing that i'm weak and i can't control my own emotions.
i'm really envious of pris, even though i tink she's sad, she didn't cry.

but, it's like the time of the month that i will feel emo and adding the impact of the high stress level on me. i could hardly control myself. the whole day is already bad with me not wanting to go for jms and can't go for jts to bryan yoon showed his temper as he feels that we're taking him for granted.

i guess everyone is stressed up.

(skip this section if u dun wanna hear ranting.)
i rmbed when i was in sec 3, i was so sian of taking so many subjects suddenly and all in depth. thot that was the worst moment. then came sec 4, with everyone telling u, it's gonna be alright, u're smart and u've so many tests to struggle with. that's when i really looked forward to jc life. i thot after sec 4 it will be a happily ever after (full stop).

once again, i was wrong. j1, life gets busier with the crap timetable u've to stick to and the long hours of cca (as compared to sec sch). mid years drove me nuts. i gave up studying. promos made it worst. seeing everyone improved since then as the papers are easier. yet. urs? below average.

j2? i guess life jus gets harder.

sorry for calling you suddenly. i feel really bad depending on you like that. it's just that i find comfort in your voice. thanks for being there. u're like the random friend that i can call when i needa talk abt choir stuff. :)

2009-02-22T14:41:00.003+08:00

i wanted to rant abt ytd so much. but i'm kinda tired of repeating the story OVER and OVER and OVER again. main points are

1) i'm starting to hate _ _ _ _ _. mayb it's because of my frens psycho-ing me that or mayb it's because i've finally seen the truth. it's a total waste of time. but... ytd's waste of time was not an internal prob but by external factors. however, i was really pissed of by people shh-ing others when it's them who are talking in the first place. IRRITATING. i wasnt even uttering A word, and i've to put up with these noises. and the seniors are really noisy. it's so late at night and they aren't even tired. SPARE a thoughts for ur poor juniors who are out since the morning at 9pm. (excluding waking up time.)

2) i'm changin my decision to go for the trip. i used to think that i may jus blurly fill up all the forms and poof! i end up in austria. but .... rating the rate of satisfaction i'ill get when i go for it as compared to the efforts for it, it's like not really worth it.

3) i'm tired of everything and the **** _ _ _ .

bye. i'm chased off the com.

may i pass all my exams with ~~flying~~ walking colours.

2009-02-19T23:42:00.002+08:00

shall update!

i'm stressing up! wan swen is too! we both feel kinda depressed because CT1s are killer papers. so what's the pt of studying when u're gg to fail? to find how much we will fail by?

this sat is nus concert, choir guest performer. SIAN there goes my day. bing hao and mx asked me to bring my books to study. but it's like REALLY saddening to do so.

choir bbq crashes with JTS and i cant change any of the 2 dates. cus i'm a small fry. W. i guess i will just have to give up on JTS becus i'm organinsing choir bbq. can't pang seh. but mayb i can leave earlier then i can go catch my classmates and junior class just b4 they go home...

Jialing asked me if i really like _____ . but right now, i dun think so leh. it's kinda impossible hor. on the other hand, i alwys take super long to find out if i really liked someone... eg. ....

jia en, yi qian and eunice are so fun to talk to! i've also seen the OTHER side of joyce, where she's not so dao/sian. hahaha. cute year 1s!

2009-02-16T21:11:00.002+08:00

SHEESH. I've become so vulgar recently.

i keep repeating my words because, MY ARMS HURT SO MUCH. it shows that i haven been using them much. but seriously, it's so painful that i can feel the gravitational force on it when i'm standing up straight. then there's still choir after all these. i so wanted to go home and sleep.

sian. sian. sian.
I sympathize but i don't agree. why must things we so complicated.
that's why i like most of the tkg girls better , i just feel a sense of connection with them. they are so much more innocent. may be they are not yet exposed to the world.

i've gotta a mortal and they say he's _ _ _ _ _.
the probability of me having a good angel/mortal to write to out of 5 of them is ________ . i should say 1/5 is a good number.

WONDER why i can type while my arms hurt, BECAUSE it's my arms NOT fingers that hurt.

2009-02-14T23:03:00.010+08:00

today is VDAY.

i spent my day with guys. SEE I SO POPULAR. haha. no la. it's with the guys AND girls from choir. LOL.

so sad sad.

aft choir went to vs hostel to study with lin wei and disturb kai zong!

i was so bored that continue taking pictures of my dying rose. it's actually quite gross to see the inside of the rose.

ANYWAY, the moral of the story is MATH kills.

then we (me lin wei and another guy) took bus 36 and we talked so much. haha... it was really fun.

went to clarke quay to meet qin. haha. we walked the whole of singapore river to vch there. CANT find what we wanted. i guess it's destiny. HAHAHAHAH. anw, we ended up being nice good ppl and went home at ten. shall upload pics nxt time~

BORING vday. DIDNT get much stuff this year BUT....

this is frm my beloved junior YI QIAN!!! it's pink in colour in conjunction with vday! she's so cute! dun worry the "my lover" "me" words are written by me! she's nt les...

2009-02-13T21:06:00.002+08:00

today is vday/friendship eve.

it's even less exciting as compared to last yr. cus i also didnt prepare much for it. too lazy la. wanswen baked this honey cereal thing tat's so nice! jia ling put choco on balloons sticks.

... ....

these aint the main pt. the main pt is...
i went back to TKG CHOIR. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.

went back with jiaen, ruby and joshua (extra tkss guy. HAHAH. jk la. is we drag him there one.) didnt get to see miss lim though. realised tat i onli noe the sec 4s and there have been a change in tchr AGES ago.

i dunno if i miss tkg, becus life in vjc is so fun/diff. but i definitely miss the sec 4 juniors. some of them changed. they've become the LEADERS now. rachel got a "older" looking face, jeanette more strict, cheryl INSISTED she looked diff with her long hair and putri w/o specs.

i've asked them if they feel older or did they mature, they said yes.

then i asked that to myself. i feel no. it's like i'm still behaving like them. even though i'm 2 years older. it's like my char to be fun crazy clumsy and stuff. it's so hard for me to turn into this firm serious calm girl. that's so nt me. thus if i'm not behaving like an calm mature adult, does it mean that i've not grown up?

i guess it can be seen from my behaviour. how come i cant be strict with ppl? why i love to help others out? why i did my hw? why i behave? it's cus i dun wanna be a burden to others or dun wanna make other's sad. it's shown in my pf 16. thus they recommend that i be involved in the social sector.

i've should have watched my mouth. why do i alwys say the wrong things. doesnt it make me a back stabber. HAIX. i noe how tiring it is to be involved in this kinda things. why cant every one be genuine and pure? do things cause u want to but not to impress ppl. ok, even if u really wanna impress ppl, just do them sometimes NOT plan ur whole series of actions. SIAN. what's this world like now? I DUNNO.

when the sec 4s so wanna grown up to find a guy...

i so wanna go back to that time where guys are just out of reach.
innocent young days.

time flies. each year is getting shorter becus the proportion of 1 yr to ur age is getting smaller.
i think u're one of the few guys i really like to hang out with.

2009-02-12T23:23:00.002+08:00

...

i's utterly disgusted. why are there so many touchy couples everywhere. i noe vday is the day after BUT please do ur stuff in private. I DUN WAN sore eyes. it's like i didnt use to notice this kinda stuff in public areas but recently, there's an increase inthe no. of incidents. is it the society getting more "open" ? or is it me getting more sensitive?

i must keep this in mind. when i get a bf, not like i will get one soon, i will not display affection in public areas and disturb others.

so, my dear friends who does that, jus take note of this habit of mine. and dun do them infront of me. i will be disturbed.

URGH.

i've just gotten a msg frm qin that she wanna go out with kexin to watch movie. AHH! i even rejected wan swen offer to go out on sat.. now she pang sei! FINE, i go try my luck to see if swen is still available. and we go double dating. HAHA.

OH CRAP. so i'm the back up plan for wan swen. HMM. she will go study with me when no secret admirer ask her out. great. so am i supposed to keep my day free for her?

then qin ask me if i wanna go WITH her and kexin to watch benjamin buttons (which i've already watched) and some chi movie look for a star. i called her pang sei and she said it's tian who pang sei us first. COOL. i've learnt a lesson. when ppl pang sei u, u can pang sei others.

URGH. (the 2nd time). i dun freaking care. since qin is gg to make plans with kexin so it doesnt matter if i join or nt. so if i dun, i will just be the back up for wan swen.

GREAT.

ok, i sounded harsh. mayb it's because i'm in a bad mood.

2009-02-10T16:33:00.001+08:00

SIAN.

2009-02-08T21:03:00.001+08:00

my bruise turned red. just like the colour of my skin when i was sun burnt.

went to church and met qin aft wards. SHE WANTS ME TO CRY when she leaves.
but i hate showing the emotional side of me. it makes me feel pathetic.
however, she feels that crying is the form of showing how impt we are to each other.

well, we shall see what will happen. whether i can control my emotions well enough or not.

2009-02-07T18:43:00.004+08:00

i've stared at at the screen for very long. not knowing what to type.

ytd was so fun that today's activity is a little pale in comparison.

went choir, met the new year 1s and we wanted to have section lunch with the yr 1s who are temporary in the section. but there's no time, so we advise them to ta pao back to sch and eat. thus, the year 2 altos went burger king with joshua (year 2) and some others...

then i headed down to dobby ghaut on bus 36 to study with marcus and met steven and ppl on the bus. then STUDY STUDY STUDY

went to eat. go home. use com. blog.

that practically summarises my day's activity.

"open the door." (i dun usually use the doorbell cus it's super loud.)
it's weird to return home w/o bugi (my maid) saying "orh" and opening the door for me.
she left for her country today and she's not coming back. as in not coming back to my house la. most probably she's coming back to sg aft she've rested enough. from now till the new maid come, we'ill have to survive. thus, no more home cook food as it's troublesome to cook/wash... (i hope this rules only apply for weekdays.)

and u can either opt in or opt out for this new dinner system. "you either eat EVERY SINGLE day at home or eat out. if u're eating at home, u've to take turns to buy food and have to accept whatever food they buy."

"OPT OUT" said my elder bro and sis.

obviously, i opted out too. i guess if there's no one to eat with during weekdays, then i'ill just go w/o. treat it as dieting then.

after which, my mum split the housechores among us. my duty is to put the clothes back into the cupboard. i guess this is the best time to learn independence. wash up after u've finished. dun keep changing clothes. dun mess up the place.

ok, i've to go now. to put the clothes in.

2009-02-06T22:52:00.003+08:00

today was REALLY fun. it's been a while since we've a full day activity.

we start the day with class picnic at ecp when the year 1s have sea carnival! so, our class eat (western food, cny goodies, bday cake), play (monopoly & touch rugby) and also CYCLE (FOR 2 HOURS)! we're all sun "kissed". jialing fell, cus she wanted to hitch a ride from my bike when she's blading, and i was careless to increase speed when she haven grab properly. so she kinda roll on the floor like those car accidents u see on tv. but she's really brave to continue blading back even though she's bleeding. i wanted to ask her to hitch a ride from me again so she dun have to move her knees which hurt. BUT i guess she'ill never wanna try that again! oh, just an interesting pt, she laughs when she's in pain from the antiseptic. hahaha.

aft we finish the ride it's 3pm and we (classmates) rush down to ps gv to watch the benjamin movie. WOOH. it's so sad. i teared, NOT CRY ok. i'm not so emotional. hahaha. the movie lasted for 3 hrs to 7pm where we took a bus down to suntec.

grab a bite and went for mass dance! i was with my classmates at first then there's so "choir" line running around the fountain and i got pulled in. so the whole session was my running between the choir and the class lines... in the end i settled down with the choir ppl for mass dance. it's quite funny seeing the choir guys dancing with a TREE for the friendship dance. LOL. it didn't rain but the fountain splash water on us! and we're all wet and cold. FUN FUN FUN.

can't wait till next wk senior meet junior. HEEHEEHEE. well, i hope there's choir ppl in my junior class. and really hope that they are ppl i noe/ will noe.

tmr got choir!

2009-02-05T22:58:00.002+08:00

i'm lagging behind during this whole week.

I'm running outta time, to study and other stuff.

dai ze ask me to go for mission trip durin march hols, but i've choir camp.

may nt b gg mass dance tmr, got prayer meeting.

on the bright side...

1) my leg's getting better! yeah.
2) tmr's picnic, cycling, games
3) it's weekend already

anyway, if any1 wanna go study please call me ok!!!!! CUS I NORMALLY SLACK AT HOME. urgh.

2009-02-04T22:08:00.003+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i just need to vent it out.

"you are old enough to make you own decisions. so think about it properly yourself."

so how come you're not giving me the freedom to make decisions in OTHER aspect like LEISURE?

cca walkabout was fun, sticky and tiring. it's so fun to bully alex and collin! haha. make alex keep giving up his seat for girls and collin to wear the billboard. seeing them in orientation really make me wanna have fun too!

2009-02-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

week of jc1 orientation. i really appreciate the school for having no lectures this week! HOWEVER, now we have so many awkward breaks in between. saw the year 1s this year. got 1 or 2 cute ones la! haha. the choir room is getting crowded with the new year 1s. well, i love to share.

my wound is itchy. i guess it's healing. SHEESH. my mum jus said my wound is infected cus there's white stuff inside.

i gtg start thinking of the future. leaving it till after As is not going to work.

we're not enough.